Week 12 Story: Dad Jokes

"Dad, I'm hungry."

"Hi hungry, I'm dad!"

"No dad, my name is Jake, and I'm hungry."

"But you said your name is Hungry, and now you say it's Jake. Which is it?"

"Jake!"

"Okay Jake, what do you want?"

"I'm hungry!"

"Hi hungry, I'm dad!"

"AHHHHHHH!" Jake storms out of the room, screaming. His six year-old mind doesn't quite get the humor of dad jokes quite yet. But it will come in time. He just needs to learn that all dads are goofy and make terrible jokes around their kids.

"Hey Jake, come get dinner. You like spaghetti, right?"

Jake immediately jumps up out of his bed and runs into the kitchen. He's "starving" (he ate only 5 hours ago), and sits at the table, waiting for his dad to bring the food out. Except there's no spaghetti, only broccoli and chicken. "Where's the spaghetti?"

"There isn't any."

"But you said there'd be spaghetti!"

"No I didn't. Would you like me to get you some?"

"Yes! I want spaghetti!"

"Well, there isn't any."

"Then why did you ask me if I wanted some?!"

Jake's dad laughs, having some fun messing with Jake. However, this only serves to frustrate Jake even more. All he wants is his spaghetti, not broccoli and chicken. Why can't his dad understand that he doesn't like these jokes?

"Dad, I'm really hungry!"

"Hi really hungry, I'm dad!"

"You're mean!"

"I'm not mean, I'm dad!"

"Whatever." With that, Jake leaves and goes to bed, angry at his dad for the constant jokes that make no sense. Pouting, Jake lays down and goes to sleep, hoping that the jokes will be gone the next morning.

"Morning Jake. Do you remember what time your dentist appointment is today?"

"Wait, I'm going to the dentist?"

"Yeah, your appointment is at tooth hurty."

"I'm going to mom."

"She's not here right now. I swapped the bed for a trampoline last night and she went through the roof." Dad has the biggest grin on his face from this last joke. He feels like it might be the best one he's ever said. Jake, on the other hand, thinks otherwise.

"Fine, let's just go to the dentist then if that's what we're doing today." Jake storms to the car, upset that his dad is still making the same jokes he made the day before, only worse. They hop in the car, and begin the drive to the dentist.

"Jake, I turn left here, don't I?"

"Right, dad."

"So I turn right at the light?"

"No, you turn left."

"Soooooo... left?"

"Right."

"Okay, we're turning right."

"NO, YOU TURN LEFT!" But it was too late, as they'd already turned right and started to go the opposite direction. All this for a little amusement for his dad. Jake is in the backseat, buckled into his car seat, pouting and angry that he's forced to deal with his dad's "humor" today.

"So I turn left here now?"

"Right."

"So I turn right, Jake?"

"No, turn left."

"So I turn left?"

"Yes dad, turn left." After enduring this for the entire car ride, Jake finally figured out how to neutralize his dad's turn jokes. Satisfied that he thwarted his dad, Jake smiles, happy to get on with the rest of the day.

After putting up with these jokes for his entire childhood, Jake is finally 18, graduated from high school, and moving on to college. When his parents are getting ready to leave him at school, he looks back at his parents and calls out to his dad, "Hey dad. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?"

With tears in his eyes, dad replies, "Bison." He knew then that his work was complete.

The king of dad jokes

Source: ForeverInMomGenes

Author's Note: Much of Alice in Wonderland seems very disconnected from each other, and the different characters that Alice interacts with ask her confusing questions that make zero sense. They often are all over the place in what exactly they're trying to get her to say, and occasionally are belittling her. During one section, the Mad Hatter offers her wine, even though he knew there was none for her to drink. I wanted to take this into the realm of the disconnected jokes that our dads often decide to tell for their own amusement, much like the Wonderland residents told to Alice. However, instead of simply becoming combative and angry as Alice did at times, I wanted to end it on a happy note where Jake finally learned the dry humor behind the jokes and appreciates it.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865).