Week 12 Story: Dad Jokes

"Dad, I'm hungry."

"Hi hungry, I'm dad!"

"No dad, my name is Jake, and I'm hungry."

"But you said your name is Hungry, and now you say it's Jake. Which is it?"

"Jake!"

"Okay Jake, what do you want?"

"I'm hungry!"

"Hi hungry, I'm dad!"

"AHHHHHHH!" Jake storms out of the room, screaming. His six year-old mind doesn't quite get the humor of dad jokes quite yet. But it will come in time. He just needs to learn that all dads are goofy and make terrible jokes around their kids.

"Hey Jake, come get dinner. You like spaghetti, right?"

Jake immediately jumps up out of his bed and runs into the kitchen. He's "starving" (he ate only 5 hours ago), and sits at the table, waiting for his dad to bring the food out. Except there's no spaghetti, only broccoli and chicken. "Where's the spaghetti?"

"There isn't any."

"But you said there'd be spaghetti!"

"No I didn't. Would you like me to get you some?"

"Yes! I want spaghetti!"

"Well, there isn't any."

"Then why did you ask me if I wanted some?!"

Jake's dad laughs, having some fun messing with Jake. However, this only serves to frustrate Jake even more. All he wants is his spaghetti, not broccoli and chicken. Why can't his dad understand that he doesn't like these jokes?

"Dad, I'm really hungry!"

"Hi really hungry, I'm dad!"

"You're mean!"

"I'm not mean, I'm dad!"

"Whatever." With that, Jake leaves and goes to bed, angry at his dad for the constant jokes that make no sense. Pouting, Jake lays down and goes to sleep, hoping that the jokes will be gone the next morning.

"Morning Jake. Do you remember what time your dentist appointment is today?"

"Wait, I'm going to the dentist?"

"Yeah, your appointment is at tooth hurty."

"I'm going to mom."

"She's not here right now. I swapped the bed for a trampoline last night and she went through the roof." Dad has the biggest grin on his face from this last joke. He feels like it might be the best one he's ever said. Jake, on the other hand, thinks otherwise.

"Fine, let's just go to the dentist then if that's what we're doing today." Jake storms to the car, upset that his dad is still making the same jokes he made the day before, only worse. They hop in the car, and begin the drive to the dentist.

"Jake, I turn left here, don't I?"

"Right, dad."

"So I turn right at the light?"

"No, you turn left."

"Soooooo... left?"

"Right."

"Okay, we're turning right."

"NO, YOU TURN LEFT!" But it was too late, as they'd already turned right and started to go the opposite direction. All this for a little amusement for his dad. Jake is in the backseat, buckled into his car seat, pouting and angry that he's forced to deal with his dad's "humor" today.

"So I turn left here now?"

"Right."

"So I turn right, Jake?"

"No, turn left."

"So I turn left?"

"Yes dad, turn left." After enduring this for the entire car ride, Jake finally figured out how to neutralize his dad's turn jokes. Satisfied that he thwarted his dad, Jake smiles, happy to get on with the rest of the day.

After putting up with these jokes for his entire childhood, Jake is finally 18, graduated from high school, and moving on to college. When his parents are getting ready to leave him at school, he looks back at his parents and calls out to his dad, "Hey dad. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?"

With tears in his eyes, dad replies, "Bison." He knew then that his work was complete.

The king of dad jokes

Source: ForeverInMomGenes

Author's Note: Much of Alice in Wonderland seems very disconnected from each other, and the different characters that Alice interacts with ask her confusing questions that make zero sense. They often are all over the place in what exactly they're trying to get her to say, and occasionally are belittling her. During one section, the Mad Hatter offers her wine, even though he knew there was none for her to drink. I wanted to take this into the realm of the disconnected jokes that our dads often decide to tell for their own amusement, much like the Wonderland residents told to Alice. However, instead of simply becoming combative and angry as Alice did at times, I wanted to end it on a happy note where Jake finally learned the dry humor behind the jokes and appreciates it.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865).

Reading Notes: Alice in Wonderland, Part B

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865).

A Mad Tea-Party
Every character in Wonderland seems to be full of riddles and confusing comments that ridicule Alice. I wonder what exactly causes this, if it's those people who go there or if it's how they're raised in Wonderland.

The Hatter's watch shows the date instead of the time, does this mean that days pass by faster in Wonderland?

Why did the Hatter ask a riddle if he doesn't know the answer? I'm trying to figure out what all of the questions they ask mean and what they are related to.

So now we understand the time conundrum. It's been 6 o'clock for a long while. Do days not pass during this time, or does it simply stay 6 o'clock in terms of daylight, but actual days are counted?

Alice has very little patience with them, which I can understand with their attitude towards her. The mouse needs some help with his storytelling.

Why were they trying to put the dormouse into a teapot after Alice left? The tea party seems very unorganized and filled with confusion.

The Queen's Croquet-Ground
Why didn't they plant a new tree when they realized that it was producing the wrong color roses? They could also say it changed on its own after some time instead of continually painting the roses.

I'm pleased that Alice saved the three gardeners, even though everyone else has been so mean to her during her journey so far.

How does one play croquet with hedgehogs and flamingos?

The Queen has a very short temper. I now understand why they painted the roses instead of trying to explain their error.

Her response to everything is "off with his/her head" when it doesn't please her. How would she be able to behead the cheshire cat though? It can disappear whenever it pleases.

And my question was answered. Their entire debate was about whether they could behead a cat that only has a head showing, and the distraction gave it time to disappear.

Who Stole the Tarts?
The court seems just as uncoordinated as the rest of the land. I'm surprised they picked jurors who don't even know their own names very well.

The Hatter is still just as confusing, although he comes off as nervous and scared in front of the King and Queen. Hopefully we don't see him executed.

I appreciate that our courts of law are not as menacing as these. The King definitely rules with an iron fist. I can see why the Hatter is scared.

That dormouse is obsessed with treacle. He talked about it at the tea party, and now he burst out with "treacle" during the trial.

Wait, Alice is a witness?

Trial in Wonderland

Source: Carnegie Mellon

Alice's Evidence
Alice is still growing as she gives her testimony. Although I'm unsure why they called her up. Will her growth cause any trouble with the court?

Is it really a rule that being too tall means you must leave the court? And at any rate, how large is the courtroom if Alice is more than a mile tall?

I feel bad for Bill, the lizard. He just can't catch a break this day.

The entire thing was a dream sequence... That's a rather anti-climactic way to end the story all of a sudden.

Reading Notes: Alice in Wonderland, Part A

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (1865).

Down The Rabbit Hole
The quote "In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again" really sticks out to me. It seems to hit on impulsive actions that we may undertake without considering consequences.

It baffles me that she was falling so quickly, yet also slowly enough to grab a jar off of a shelf. Or are the shelves falling at the same rate as her? How exactly would that work?

The white rabbit is always hurrying. What about this intrigues Alice so much that she follows him without thought of what could happen?

Life isn't like a storybook, Alice. Just because it doesn't say "poison" on the bottle doesn't mean it's safe to drink the entire thing.

I'm confused. I thought she unlocked the tiny door before she drank the liquid from the bottle. Why did she neglect to do so and leave it on the table?

I wonder if Alice regrets drinking the entire bottle now, considering that after she ate the cake, she is now much too large to enter through the tiny door. I am assuming that she found more to drink eventually.

Advice from a Caterpillar
Considering she followed a rabbit into a random hole, I shouldn't be surprised that Alice is listening to advice from a caterpillar this time.

The caterpillar seems very confrontational. He doesn't want to give any straight answers, and is constantly belittling Alice. I'm surprised she has managed to mostly keep her composure.

Caterpillar smoking Hookah

Source: Wikipedia

I wish we knew what pieces of "You are old, Father William" Alice got incorrect. I'm starting to become irate with this caterpillar. Someone needs to put him in his place.

That mushroom has incredible power if a tiny piece made her grow that quickly. I wonder what the exact formula is to get a specific height from the two sides would be.

Why was her neck left so long when the rest of her body was a normal (I think?) size? I can see why the pigeon must have been terrified of her and what she could do to its eggs.

I feel bad for Alice, not being able to truly find the happy place in this new world. What would happen if she went to the little house without shrinking herself? She seems to be constantly changing herself in an attempt to fit in.

Pig and Pepper
Apparently the caterpillar isn't the only creature that speaks in riddles and trivial ways. They all have some piece of diction that makes it difficult to follow at times.

Alice is extremely determined, barging into the house the way she did. When will some of her actions come back to haunt her? Especially saying the food has too much pepper in it when it isn't meant for her.

The Duchess is very snarky. Also oblivious of all the chaos going on around her. It seems like the entire world is a chaotic mess.

Maybe Alice would be best served to let the chaos happen instead of trying to fix it. She seems so out of place in this world. Especially trying to care for a pig that's treated like a baby.

I like the cat's attitude. "I'm mad. You're mad." It seems to hit on the theme that everyone has little things about them that seem crazy to someone else, so we're all crazy to someone.

Cheshire Cat Disappearing

Source: Wikipedia

I wonder why she went for the hare's house if she was going to be deterred so easily. This lends to my theory that she's constantly trying to fit into this strange land.